Wednesday, 23 January 2013 12:58

How to Get a Date for Valentine's Day... And Maybe Other Days Too

Written by  Joe Gasmann
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You've spent the holidays (and possibly other days) alone, stinky and sad. No biggie; it's a new year! Wipe the dried mayonnaise out of your scraggly beard, kick off your sweatpants and kick on your swagger.

Be a New You

There are four types of men in this world: In-shape guys, rich guys and interesting guys. Who do you want to be? In-shape guys have little to no trouble getting dates. If you happen to have turned your sadness into weight-loss motivation, you may actually be able to pull this off. Rich guys get to drive fancy cars and wear tuxedos. And interesting guys can wear slim jeans and talk about books that TV shows are based on. Since you're in "Man Limbo" you can choose to pretend you're any of them.

What Now?

Girls are almost everywhere and most don't know the old you. Because of that, finding a girl is the easiest part. Like shopping? Malls, grocery stores and flea markets all have girls at them. Was interesting guy your choice? Libraries, Black Keys concerts and farm-owned restaurants – say it with me – "ALL HAVE GIRLS AT THEM!" Feel free to find them at other places as well.

Asking Her Out

Be forewarned, this is the hardest part of the process. It's basically a coin toss between rejection and success. I believe an honest, straightforward approach works best. For example, maybe say something along the lines of, "My job gave me this gift certificate for Golden Corral. I couldn't possibly drink all of that chocolate alone. Care to join me, m'lady?"

You now have the tools. Take them and be fruitful. What you do is your own to work out. I recommend taking her to one or all of our amazing advertisers. Just remember: never sell yourself short and never think you're too good for anybody, because you're not.

P.S. I realize this article is heavily slanted toward our male demo. For that, I apologize. Girls, you shouldn't need my help, you're a girl. But I, nevertheless, will give you the only advice I can. Keep being a girl and always don't not be a girl*. We are your slaves.

*Statement to be ignored if transgendered / Transsexual / bi-gendered / non-gendered / asexual / etc. / etc.

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