I'm just going to get straight to the point. You've had to switch up your vices over the past two years due to addiction.
Since I had to quit drinking and doing drugs, I've found that my more healthy vices have gotten worse. Kind of like how a person's senses are heightened if one is taken away from them.
You had a pretty big scare when you were doing drugs and alcohol.
On Feb. 19, 2012 I had bulges of pain in my side and I had to be rushed to the hospital. The doctors told me if I had waited another four hours, I might have died. My liver and kidneys were shutting down and I was put in the intensive care unit for 15 days.
Did you get sober immediately after?
I was sober for about two months after and then one day I passed a liquor store and bought a bottle of vodka, then I started drinking a pint a day until June 8, 2012. Then I started feeling the pain again in my pancreas and it was so bad I thought, 'There's gotta be a better way to die than this.' I needed a way to manage my biggest vice of all or else I was gonna die. It's not like I wanted to quit. ... It's the most fun you can have. But that's what makes me so crazy. I've never been this crazy.
What's life been like since getting rid of those vices?
All of my vices have gotten so much more important since I've gone off drugs and alcohol. I lean so much more on my vices now.
What are your new vices?
Mountain Dew, vanity, Facebook. You can put your entire day in one paragraph on Facebook. And it can make your life look pretty good and exciting.
I've seen you drink Mountain Dew. It's intense.
I have to count how many I drink or else I would drink eight a day. I try to keep it down to three a day.
So Mountain Dew is the new replacement.
I've loved Mountain Dew my whole life. I don't think I've ever tried to give it up. I can't say never, but I don't know what I'd use to replace it. There needs to be an invention that's better than sex, drugs, alcohol or Mountain Dew. But I have a food phobia that won't let me try new things.
What's this food phobia?
My mom made me try spinach dip at a party when I was 12. It looked like it had been eaten and thrown up and she forced me to try it. So I did, and I threw up all over the buffet table. I learned a valuable lesson that day: never try new things.
What does your diet consist of?
Pizza, hamburgers, Hot Pockets, beef stew... I prefer anything that's frozen at least once.
How did you handle the recent Hot Pocket recall?
Not well. I emailed co-workers to save the Hot Pocket I had in the work freezer.
Interview conducted, edited and condensed by Lindsay Patton-Carson. Photo: Joe Boomgaard