I awoke with a molasses start, the voracious arrows of Sol bearing down upon my countenance with unyielding, silent cries, echoed transgressions of the night before. The Madman (or Madmen, rather) had taken toll, finding me, as Mikau found himself facing the brigand Gerudo, in a stampeding assault of hungover humors.
Surely, there must be a remedy, thought I. And I found it, verily, at the oasis called SpeakEZ Lounge.
Located in the Brass Works building (600 Monroe Ave. NW, Grand Rapids), SpeakEZ hosts the warm, darkwood environment of a sporting hall. I’ve heard the food is fantastic. However, I had come not for repast, but for respite.
The barkeep mixed me a preparation called the Suffering Bastard, appropriate per my current desideratum. The lightness of the thing made it simple to imbibe in even my ruined state, and its potent proteinic property put the pep back in my pop. Reminiscent of an airy Orange Julius with a cumulus egg yolk and soda froth, the Suffering Bastard proves to be a mellow and rejuvenating morning elixir.
I believe it was Proust who wrote “We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the full. But if you’re not completely full, maybe we should split a plate of Sweet Thai Potato Hash & Eggs?”
But then again, I have been drinking.
WHAT MAKES A SUFFERING BASTARD, YOU ASK?
One good shot of Bluecoat gin
2oz. orange juice
A couple dashes of lime juice
A chunk or two of cucumber
A chunk or two of mint
A dash of vanilla
A dash of Angostura bitters
Blend the ingredients together with ice and top it with a frothy, beaten mixture of egg white and soda.