Friday, 20 September 2013 14:48

What Your Beer Says About You

Written by  Nolan Krebs
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Ok, so you can't judge a book by its cover. However, others can tell a lot about you just by the beer you are holding in your hand. Find out what your beer is saying about you with our guide below.

Bock – If a bock is your brew of choice, your ancestors were probably German monks. Rich, malty and heavy, your favorite beer doubles as your favorite meal. (Suggested brew: Dark Horse Brewery – Perkulator Coffee Dopplebock)

Blonde – Blondes just want to have fun. You're into what smells good, tastes good and doesn't leave you feeling like you've got a stomach full of gravel. (Beards Brewery – Bombshell Blonde)

Brown ale – You're not the sunniest person around, but that's not so bad. You couldn't be happier to drink a nice brown on an October afternoon, rocking your favorite sweater and kicking around some fallen leaves. (Bell's Brewery – Best Brown Ale)

Hefeweizen – While you might not be the burliest beer drinker, don't let anyone make you feel weak for digging hefeweizens. You just favor more exotic flavors (banana, clove) over hoppiness. (Grand Rapids Brewing Company – Brewer's Heritage)

India Pale Ale – A polarizing force of hop-tastic wonder frequented by sippers, not chuggers. Your battle-hardened palate leads you carefully through fields of citrusy, floral notes, because the morning after drinking too many Two-Hearteds can be truly crippling. (Bell's Brewery – Two Hearted IPA)

Porter – Lighten up, big guy – your soul is as black as the contents of your glass. You're down with roasted grains, hints of coffee or chocolate and a rich finish. (Harmony Brewing Company – Black Squirrel)

Pilsner – Some might say you're middle of the road, but really you just like to keep it clean and simple when you drink. (Shorts Brewing Co. – Pontius Road Pilsner)

Red – If red's your color, you like a little bit of everything. Why settle on one flavor? You go for a balanced beer with toasted malts, varying degrees of hoppiness and a light fruitiness. (Brewery Vivant – Big Red Coq)

Saison – A type of summer beer, saisons are what you might reach for when you're actually thirsty. They're light and spicy, with lots of room for variety. For those who like to stay quick on their feet. (New Holland Brewing Company – Monkey King Saison/Farmhouse Ale)


Scottish ale – Malty, full-bodied and fairly high in alcohol, Scottish ale drinkers mix business with pleasure. (Founders Brewing Company – Dirty Bastard)

Stout – Stouts are the demon-spawn of porters, with heavily roasted flavors, thick, tan heads and virtually no hoppiness. Stouts and those who favor them are creatures of pure evil. (Arcadia Ales – Cocoa Loco)

Illustrations by Ryan Hipp

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