The Big Green Tractor
22 Below, Grand Haven
Roses are red, it’s said. Violets' hue, some say, is blue (untrue, I'll bet, as it’s violet). But life is seen, it seems, as green.
As the Appleshine of my eye’s glimmer got dimmer, I looked to the sunsettery of the west and ashored myself at Grand Haven’s 22 Below, where the fare is fine and the secret words are: Big Green Tractor. A 64-ounce emerald nonet of liquors & liqueurs afloat in fishbowl glass with the sweet savor of citrus nectar, the Tractor is an off-the-menu favorite, well fit for the furrowed plow. Ask for it by name, or say “the big fishbowl thing,” if you forget, as I did.
Is it any wonder that the Latin root for green seems so similar with the branches of truth and life? Verily, I vouch for the validation (nay, veneration) of such a veritably verdant verbal vivification.
Visually:
Take our blue marble, Earth, between finger and thumb. Hold it up to the yellow sun. The light that bleeds through is life, and life bleeds, Vulcan-esquely, viridescent. The green sanguine of the Tractor is a fine quaff to share with friends or to imbibe unassisted (if there’s nothing you have to do for the rest of the day).
I believe it was Bill Watterson who wrote, “If your knees aren’t green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life. If your drink isn’t green, I know a guy who can fix that.”
But then again, I have been drinking.
I HEAR YOUR PLEAS OF YEARNING FOR KNOWLEDGE TRUE OF THIS ELIXIR’S ANATOMY AND I SAY TO YOU, IT IS THUS:
Equal parts (about half a shot each) of:
- Vodka
- Rum
- Gin
- Triplesec
- Bacardi Limon
- Absolut Mandarin
- One-and-a-half shots of Midori Melon Liqueur
- Blue Curaçao
- Pineapple Juice
- Orange Juice
- Sprite
Top with Bacardi 151 and garnish with limes, lemons, oranges and cherries.
Serve in a fishbowl (sans fish) and enjoy with a companion or tipple solus and follow me down the path of my sorrowful fate (I fell off my barstool).
