The Aging Hipster loves to hate the holidays. The chilly weather makes their arthritic hands ache as they type away at their latest op-ed piece. But staying indoors creates the perfect scene for endless cups of coffee while reading a new biography about their favorite late-’80s indie band.
The Granola Mom loves her children, nature and eating healthy — in that order. She wants to teach her kids about the wonders of the world, whether that be flora, fauna or natural formations. These gifts aren’t just for her — they’re for our future.
The Beer Geek has somehow transformed alcohol into a fashionable hobby a-la, “It’s OK Mom, I’m drinking art.” They chase the cutting edge of beer trends, lapping up any barrel-aged beet gose they can get their hands on. Still, a good Beer Geek knows a good time is simple: put some friends and a few pints in the same room, and voila, fun.
To the friends and family who never slow down, can’t stand the idea of skipping leg day, and eat raw vegetables like candy — we salute you. Even with packed schedules, especially around the holiday, they still find time to hit the gym, strap on their cycling shoes, lift weights and meal prep. Time to give them something to do other than posting gym selfies on Instagram.
The Fossil is resolute: They still use a VHS player, their 1980s Tom Petty shirt is thin enough to be used as cheesecloth, and they love to whine about the rise of technology. While we might sigh and roll our eyes at their archaic ways, we also find the Fossil charming. They’re our own mini time capsule and a constant reminder of the past.
The Musician’s fingers are always twiddling, subconsciously practicing chords or drum fills even while talking about that amazing chorus on the new LP from their favorite band. They’re always thinking about the next show — you can’t go wrong with a concert ticket (or two).
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