ArtPrize V was as lame and limp as the plump West Michigan gypsies that jammed our streets like the asses that pack their husky Wranglers. The most impressive part of it all was my amazement when one of the 49,000 "art experts" managed to walk more than a block without their heart exploding or eating their fists.

The picturesque lakeside town of Grand Haven doesn't have an official art museum, but that may be what adds to the unique mix as an emerging area for fine art appreciation.

Before glittering diamond skin, vegetarianism and werewolf hatred came around to screw up classic lore, vampires owned the night, seducing countless victims. In 1897, Bram Stoker sculpted the first iconic vampire: Dracula.

In Stoker's novel, Dracula possessed all the legend qualities – lust for human blood, the ability to fly as a bat, repelled by garlic, allergic to the sun – to display this horror character.

• Bram Stoker
• Dracula
• Patricia Baker
• Grand Rapids Ballet Company
• Roger Van Fleteren
• Wes Chapman
• Stephen Sanford
• Laura McQueen Schultz

During the first week of October, art transforms downtown Grand Rapids into a pretty frickin' crazy place. There's stuff everywhere, and the cause [ArtPrize] pretty much provides the context for talk about art for the three weeks it takes over town. So, in the spirit of art's magnificent role in civic life, this month's featured event is something happening in the one place in town that has made art its mission.

• artprize
• Grand Rapids
• Avenue for the Art
• Crafthouse
• Gaspard Gallery
• Mexicains Sans Frontieres
• Calvin's Gallery
• Amanda Carmer
• The DAAC

If we're talking video game heroes, few have stood the test of time quite like The Legend of Zelda's Link. Whether radiating pudgy, pixilated charm, or vanquishing foes in his new sleeker form, the pointy-eared warrior has left an indelible mark in gamers' hearts. Grand Rapids Symphony allows fans to relive the excitement of Link's oldest and newest adventures in the touring symphony concert, The Legend of Zelda: Symphony of the Goddesses.

• Grand Rapids Symphony
• The Legend of Zelda: Symphony of the Goddesses
• Roger D Nelson

In Glengarry Glen Ross, the letters 'ABC' aren't Big Bird's pals or the cheesy accessories of choice on Teacher Appreciation Day. That's because in this dark psychological thriller, 'ABC' stands for 'Always Be Closing,' and if you're not closing a deal, then someone's closing you.

In July, we found out all-ages, D.I.T. (Do It Together) venue the Division Avenue Arts Collective would close its doors at 115 S. Division Ave. on Aug. 1. The news came from a letter posted on the DAAC's homepage titled "Sad News." In it, readers found out the space where the DAAC resided for nearly 10 years had been sold. Recently, a town hall meeting was held in order to determine the next step for the venue.

A full run down on all the things you need to know about this year's installment of ArtPrize.

2013 marks the fifth year of ArtPrize, the "radically open, independently organized international art competition" that presents the winner with the largest prize in history of art prizes. Each of the four first prize winners have walked away with racks on racks on racks – $200,000 to be exact – and the satisfaction of knowing their work struck a chord with the Joe the Art Critic.

For Boeing-Boeing’s Bernard, love has always been a smooth cruise through clear skies. As an adroit juggler of three stewardess fiancés, the suave Parisian thinks he knows how to handle women. But fasten your seatbelts, folks.

When a fast new jet changes timetables, the playboy’s plans take an unexpected nosedive and all three women arrive at his apartment at once. Uproarious chaos ensues as Bernard desperately attempts to keep the international beauties from discovering each other.